


together, locked safely

by foreignconstellations



Series: home is a room full of our safest sounds [1]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:09:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8726770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreignconstellations/pseuds/foreignconstellations
Summary: "Come on, don’t they dance in Tivoli?”Lukas makes a face. “I don’t,” he says, which doesn’t surprise Philip at all. Lukas isn’t that guy in Tivoli, which is fair enough.But they’re not in Tivoli right now, so Philip asks, “Do you want to?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aroacejeanprouvaire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacejeanprouvaire/gifts).



“You’re not going to run out on me again, are you?”

Lukas gives him a look. “I said I wanted to, didn’t I?”

They’re in the city again. They’ve been a couple of times, now, and Philip’s shown Lukas his favourite pizza place, and the café where he could sometimes get free bread rolls if he looked pathetic enough (he didn’t tell Lukas that part. Maybe one day).

But this time, when they’d stashed the bike, Lukas had turned to Philip and said, “We should go back to that club tonight,” and Philip had blinked and said, “Okay.”

And now they’re outside, and Lukas looks nervous, but Philip doesn’t want to push. So he says, “I used to come here a lot, when I lived in the city.”

Lukas looks at him. “Yeah?”

Philip nods. “It was my favourite club. I didn’t really… hang out, with anyone from school or something, so. I spent a few nights here.” He had his first kiss with a boy here, in fact, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to tell Lukas that.

Lukas is making that face he does when Philip is overly casual about being gay. Kind of disbelief, kind of soft awe. “Did your mom know where you were?”

Philip shrugs. “She knew I was at a club.” When she knew he was gone at all. That’s another thing he’s not going to tell Lukas right now.

Lukas nods. He’s looking at the door to the club again, and Philip doesn’t have to look down to know that Lukas has his fingers in his pockets, gripping the fake ID.

Philip really doesn’t want to push, but he has to be sure. “We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Lukas looks over at him, and for a second it looks like he’s going to snap, but then his face gets softer, just a little. “Come on,” he says, and takes Philip’s hand.

He drops it when they get into the line at the door, but Philip’s had still feels warm.

*

Philip pulls them over to the bar when they get inside, mostly out of habit. “Come on, what do you want?” He nearly forgets to raise his voice over the music. He hasn’t set foot in a club since the last time they came here, and he feels that time doesn’t count. He’s not paying attention to whatever song is playing, but he can feel the beat settling into his bones already.

Lukas shrugs. “Dude, I have to drive us back, remember?”

Philip hadn’t even thought about it. He forgets, sometimes, how intense and responsible Lukas can get with his bike. He thinks about getting something for himself, for a second, but it doesn’t really seem fair. So he smiles, and says, “Oh, yeah,” and turns away from the bar easily, to face the dance floor instead.

It’s packed with people already, and Philip doesn’t recognise a single one of them. It’s like a breath of fresh air. There are men dancing and men mingling and men kissing, and Philip never realises how stifled he is in Tivoli until he comes back into the city. He feels himself grinning.

He looks over at Lukas, only to find him already looking back. The light’s flickering across his face, and he’s got that unsure, unsettled look he gets sometimes when they’re in the city, like he thinks something’s going to bite him if he looks at it the wrong way. Philip knows he should probably stop smiling, but he can’t seem to help it right now. Lukas must notice, because his brows furrow, and he says, “You really like it here.”

Philip shrugs. “I told you, I used to come here a lot. I felt safe here, I guess.” Lukas looks at him blankly, and Philip wants to explain, wants to make Lukas understand, so he sidles up close so he can speak more clearly into Lukas’ ear. Lukas stiffens, a little, but doesn’t pull away.

Philip feels his smile widen. The lights are bright and the music is loud, and no one can hear him except Lukas. “So, it’s like I said, that nobody cares who you are. You can be whoever you want, whoever you really want to be. And it’s okay. Everyone’s doing  it. We’ve all got things in common.” Lukas flinches a little, at that, so Philip drops it. “Plus, it doesn’t matter if you do something stupid, because you’re never going to see any of these people again. You can dance as badly as you want.”

“You dance?” Lukas asks, and, okay, not exactly what Philip was hoping he’d take from that, but he can work with it.

So he nods. “Yeah, I mean. It’s my mom’s favourite thing, she always used to make me dance with her to the radio. It’s fun. Come on, don’t they dance in Tivoli?”

Lukas makes a face. “I don’t,” he says, which doesn’t surprise Philip at all. Lukas isn’t that guy in Tivoli, which is fair enough.

But they’re not in Tivoli right now, so Philip asks, “Do you want to?”

Lukas stares at him. “What?”

Part of Philip wants to back down, to brush it off. But he doesn’t. “Do you want to dance? With me?”

Lukas eyes grow so wide that Philip immediately feels guilty. “Are you serious? I just told you, I don’t-“

“I know,” Philip interrupts. “I know, it’s okay, I’m sorry.” He still struggles, sometimes, with what’s okay and what things that seem innocuous to him seem terrifying to Lukas. But he knows how to take a hint.

Most of the fear goes out of Lukas’ face, but his eyebrows have drawn together. He looks hard at Philip, then at the dance floor, then back at Philip. Philip waits, and says nothing. He can’t believe they’re still standing so close together.

“You want to, though,” Lukas says, like it’s completely foreign and maybe a little disturbing to him. Which it probably is. Philip shrugs, because yeah, he does want to, but if Lukas doesn’t want to then they won’t do it. Lukas’ brow furrows further. “You should, you know,” Lukas says, and makes an abortive gesture towards the dance floor.

Now it’s Philips turn to stare blankly. “I’m not gonna leave you.” He doesn’t say, “Like last time”, but he thinks Lukas hears it anyway.

Lukas just shakes his head, but he’s not frowning anymore.  “Dude, I’m not a kid. Go.” He gives Philip a gentle push in the direction of the dance floor. Philip, taken off guard, nearly stumbles, and Lukas laughs, and it’s not quite his best laugh, but Philip can’t look away from Lukas’ face.

He starts to say, “Are you sure?” but Lukas, still laughing, says, “ _Go_ ,” before he can get all the words out, and Philip doesn’t entirely understand what’s going on, but he goes.

He glances back at Lukas, still standing there on his own, before he gets swallowed up by the crowd. And then the music is louder, and there are bodies moving all around him, and force of habit makes him shove every worry out of his head and move with them. He’s not a great dancer, by any means, but he knows how to move his hips, how to let the music and the atmosphere take over and just _let go_. His eyes slide shut, and the world falls away. He’s fifteen and terrified in a club for the first time, he’s four and his mom is swinging him around the living room and they’re laughing, he’s seventeen and he’s in _love_ -

Someone taps him on the shoulder, and Philip’s eyes open. He turns around, ready to give a placating smile and send the guy on his way, but it’s Lukas. Philip stops moving, feeling a little like he’s been knocked out of orbit, but he shakes it off and tries to focus, and ignore the people gently bumping into him. “Everything okay?” he asks.

“Yeah,” says Lukas, and then, “Well, you,” and _then_ , in a rush, “Do you want to dance?”

Philip blinks. “I thought you didn’t dance,” he says, before he can stop himself.

He thinks Lukas flushes, but in the flashing light it’s impossible to tell. “Yeah, well,” he says. He’s holding his arms close to his sides, like he’s afraid of being touched, and he looks awkward and a little bit spooked, but he’s _there_. “Dance with me?”

Philip makes himself blink, hard, but when his eyes open Lukas is still there, still looking awkward and spooked and _hopeful_. “Yeah,” Philip says, “yeah,” and before he can talk himself out of it, he hooks his arms loosely around Lukas’ neck and tugs him closer.

He feels Lukas stiffen, sees his eyes widen, but Philip doesn’t let go, not yet. “What are you doing?” Lukas asks, almost too quiet to hear. He doesn’t pull away.

Philip can’t tell if he’s fucked up, but Lukas is pretty good about letting him know when he has, so this is probably okay. Probably. He tugs Lukas a little closer still, forces himself to at least sway a little to the music. “Dancing,” he says. “Is that okay?”

Lukas stares at him. Philip stares back, trying to say all the things he can’t use words for, and he really wishes it wasn’t so damn loud in here. “Everyone’s looking,” says Lukas, and Philip knows nobody really is but he also knows that’s not the point.

“We can go-“ he starts, but Lukas is already shaking his head. “Okay,” Philip says, “okay.” Then, “do you trust me?”

“Of course,” says Lukas, and he says it like it’s obvious, without a moment of hesitation, and Philip really can’t dwell on that too much right now or his heart might explode, or something.

So he says, “Okay. You alright with my arms where they are?” because he _has_ to be sure. Lukas nods, and Philip internally sags with relief. It’s a lot easier, now, to tell what’s okay, where and when is okay, but sometimes he still needs to ask. Lukas makes it easy, though. Philip moves closer in, so they’re practically chest to chest, and leans up so he can speak right into Lukas’ ear. “Close your eyes.”

“What the hell, Philip,” Lukas says, and he sounds a little shaky, but he’s still there, and his arms have come up around Philip’s waist, steadying.

“Trust me,” Philip says. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll go, okay?”

“Okay, okay,” says Lukas, and he still sounds a little shaky but Philip thinks he can hear a smile. “They’re closed, alright?”

“Alright,” Philip says, and he smiles too. “Focus on me, okay? Just pretend we’re the only two people here.”

He feels Lukas huff a laugh against his skin. “Seriously?”

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it,” Philip says. “Come on.” He realises he’s stroking the back of Lukas’ neck with his thumb, which he doesn’t remember starting to do. He doesn’t stop. “Just us.  You can pretend we’re somewhere else, if you want.”

“Yeah?” Lukas says, and he sounds a little eager, and Philip can work with this.

“Yeah,” he says. “Wherever you want. Where do you feel relaxed?”

“I relax when I’m riding my bike,” Lukas says, and Philip snorts.

“We can’t dance on a motorbike, Lukas.”

“Shut up,” Lukas says, laughing, and okay, more laughter, less shakiness, that’s good.

“I used to pretend I was alone in my bedroom,” Philip says, because it’s one of those times where he just wants to tell Lukas things. “Think about, I don’t know. Somewhere it’s just us. Somewhere safe.”

“The barn,” Lukas says, and Philip doesn’t understand how he can just _do that_ , say things and act like he doesn’t know he’s lit Philip up inside with his words.

He presses a kiss behind Lukas’ ear, like it’s a secret. “Okay,” he says, “we’re in the barn. Just me and you. Now, dance with me.” His own eyes slide shut, and he lets the music fade back into his consciousness, lets himself move to it, feels Lukas moving with him.

The rest of the world falls away. They’re in the barn. They’re in a gay club in the middle of New York. They’re in Philip’s old bedroom. They’re anywhere and everywhere, but they’re together and they’re dancing and Philip loves Lukas so much his stomach hurts, and he doesn’t care where he is as long as he can stay in Lukas’ arms.


End file.
